In The Night Air

Last week I was asked if any songs are speaking into my life lately.

One thing about me: I really love music. Nothing can take me to a better place more instantly than a well composed song.

Throughout my life I’ve generally assigned certain songs to capsulate periods of time. Just one example of this: the second half of my freshman year of college I started seeing my life transform around me. It was a very deciding point in the type of person I would become. Would I continue my social butterfly ways and make new friends? Would I finally allow my inner loner to have her time and explore myself more? Would my workaholic side take over? All sides of me were vying for prominence and I gave up and played video games all day to avoid evolving. The song I clung to during this time was “Firefly” by Alpha. It sounded similar enough to all the other Portishead I was listening to, but the lyrics really hit me. I had nothing to hold me. Nothing to tell me what type of person I should be. So I imagined myself a lone wanderer as I walked this road to become my evolved self post-high school.

Lately I’ve been going through another evolution.

After college I instantly found my career track in marketing. The mix of logic, analysis, people pleasing, and creativity is perfect for me. I dove right in and have developed quite a body of work in just 2 short years.

But then I felt a yearning to start a video production company, to produce compelling content & storytelling, and I remembered the old me–who dreamed of being a journalist/traveling documentarian. The poet, the wanderer inside of me, who gets impassioned by the beauty I see all around me, who gets inspired whenever a nugget of pure reality rises to the top of my mind… This side of me was scratching and fighting to find a place in the professional career I am building.

Luckily, in my love life I have been receiving inspiration and passion enough to fill my reserves for a long time. I’m so bloated with pent up creativity that it flusters me until I can find a way to channel it.

Then I found myself craving a song I had come across a few months before, “In the Night Air” by Jamie Woon.

I listened to it over and over one night while driving on the highway and I realized why my brain was craving this song.

In the song the singer is iterating and expressing his love for the night air. A simple nugget of pure reality, twisted with the weakness of human desire.

The music and sounds in the song remind me of winter and I can imagine this poetic heart walking around at night in a coat, looking up to the heavens and breathing in the crisp air, exhaling a beautiful white breath.

This is a sensation that many creative night owls know and love. Something about the night, the silence of the sky, the feeling of the cold air flowing through us, makes us feel that much more alive.

And in this song he becomes obsessed with this sensation. It has become a feeling he cannot live without. It doesn’t replace who he is, who he loves, what he spends his time on, but it’s something that calls to him when he needs it.

And I realize, with my rigid 9-6 schedule I never get a chance to stay up at night wandering about and soaking in the taste of it all. I don’t have a chance to roam, a chance to observe the world around me, a chance to listen to powerful music and write poetry in the park under the moonlight.

This song reminded me of one of my loves, one that I’ve been neglecting and can see the degradation of my creativity without feeding it the freedom and slices of life it desires.

I only hope that through knowing this about myself, I can somehow find a way to blend it into my upcoming evolution.

20131012-095845.jpg

Acting

I’ve decided to get back into acting.

Little known fact: I was part of a stunt team for two years. And in those two years my biggest, best role was that of a cocky magician from My Little Pony. BTW, I will be reprising her for DragonCon this weekend ^_^

Trixie_id_S1E06

Surprisingly, I really loved being Trixie. The role came so naturally to me that people kept joking that I really was Trixie! This kind of bugged me because when I first met Trixie while watching MLP:FiM I hated her! In short, Trixie goes around self-promoting herself to anyone who will listen and goes insane at the thought of a rival. When she encounters Twilight Sparkle (the character I actually aspire to be like in real life, because she’s awesome), Trixie sees how much more powerful Twilight is, as well as how much more she can accomplish thanks to her supportive group of friends, and Trixie goes to great lengths to try and beat Twilight, playing dirty tricks and scheming to get her way.

Trixie_red_eyes_S3E5

The sad part is, she shouldn’t even view Twilight as a rival. Twilight never does anything to challenge her, in fact, she only does things to help Trixie! But Trixie can’t see it that way because she is so vain that the thought of someone else being as good or better than her throws her into a tailspin.

I am sad to admit this, but “The Great & Powerful Trixie” really is similar to who I was in the high school theater department. Back when I was President of Thespians and Gables Players, I was too much ‘me me me’ and spent too little time building a healthy and supportive social circle within the drama department. And that side of me came back like a blast from the past when I was directing the show for Animate! Miami with Urban Ronin earlier this year.

I am very glad the older, more mature me had a chance to revisit that side of my personality and fix it once and for all. Playing Trixie and seeing how similar the character was to me in real life gave me an incredibly clear view of how I can behave when I am put under pressure and given decision-making powers (when putting on a show). After gaining this insight, I quickly turned it around and began working twice as hard to support everyone around me.

TrixieRepentant

There’s no escaping it. To be an actor in a production, you have to be part of a team. And the team lives or dies together.  In show business actors often try to tear each other down to eliminate their perceived competition, but this is a backwards approach. The more helpful we are to each other and the more we work to build true friendships will be the more we enjoy coming together to put on a show! And there’s nothing more enjoyable to actors than putting on a good show. So I hope to see more actors turning new leafs and choosing to love and support each other instead of tearing each other down.

I think this lesson has helped me overcome the stage fright I acquired in college and to feel at peace with my competitive nature. I am definitely looking forward to acting in a production and to have the chance to work on a creative team once again 🙂

trixievictory

Upcoming projects:

  • Voice of Cheetah on a roundtable news show for Migg’s Nerd News (more deets soon!)
  • Directing a music video with Vampires for GotakuTV. For realz.

Plans & Projects

2013 has been the year I was waiting for. The year where all the random facets of my life have finally come together to paint the picture of who I’m meant to be.

It started off with the formation of my production company GotakuTV, then I became the mascot for MetroCon, then I got into an amazing relationship with Gotaku’s co-founder, then I got a full time job doing exactly what I want to be doing for the rest of my life: digital marketing with integrated content and video production.

And I sit back and look at this craziness… With all this awesomeness surrounding me… And I realize life is so good.

Sometimes I find myself choosing to focus on the things that go wrong, on the things I’m no where close to accomplishing (I’m looking at you, student loans) and I get caught in an endless loop of discussing these few issues until my mind is raw from being scrubbed in all the wrong ways.

If there’s anything I hope to learn this year it is to focus on the good. To force myself to look at what I can accomplish, which will be much more beneficial than wasting brainpower on what I can’t–even if my brain naturally prefers to focus on those walls.

Little by little the success I achieve in one area of life will spill over into other areas until eventually everything becomes better just from that one small step.

And the next step is… TBA. 🙂

Jet Setting…

…Figuratively.

So much to report and not enough time! In short, things are moving forward with my YouTube and film production goals and I’m meeting wonderful people in the industry. Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!

On another note, I found this on a local producer’s website. Inspiring!

Overloaded with Blessings

Boy has this year been amazing. It feels like heaven came down and let me in. What I have realized over the past two months is that, in life, the most important thing to have is balance. The wheel of balance should look like this:

WheelLifeBalanceSmall

My wheel had started to chip away and become rather unbalanced. All of my energy was going into my relationships with people, specifically my significant other and his group of people. I hadn’t left anything for myself! So this past March my company sent me to Orlando for a trade show. It would be my first time outside of the little bubble I had created. It’s amazing what time away can do for the soul and the mind’s eye. I was able to see what life was like back home and how incongruent it was with my own life ambitions. Spending time by myself allowed me to bask in my true essence. To have nothing else to consider but my own whims, my own thoughts. Time away from my significant other allowed me to feel like myself again. And that’s when I realized how terribly wrong things had gone and how I needed to regain my center and find my balance. In a simple conversation with my ex (spoiler alert?) I explained how I needed time to focus on my career goals, my education goals, my spiritual goals, and how I needed freedom to go out and do fun things. This simple conversation painted a picture of us no longer together. And that was an irreconcilable flaw in the relationship.

We parted ways most amicably, but I must admit that it took my heart and mind for a spin. Here I was, completely entrenched in this man’s life, with no recollection of who I was before this nor enough sure footing to know exactly where I’d be going afterward. And it was in this moment that I threw caution to the wind and curled up in God’s hands. And the blessings came pouring in.

Let me walk you through my newly rebalanced wheel:

1. Finances: My finances had become completely entangled with my ex’s. Decisions about food, vacation, everything were made together, but with no clear separation about who would pay for what. In my eagerness and due to my generosity I often paid for more than my fair share. I could not stick to my budget because my ex and I had established a routine of spending money on whims that were an unaccountable variable that inevitably caused me to overspend. Now that my money and my expenditures are once again mine and mine alone, I’ve had a lot more success keeping within my budget.

2. Career: Ah… career. This is an area I’ve particularly been able to make strides in. Toward the end of my relationship I would come to work and try to chat with my ex all day (for reasons I’ll just keep to myself). I constantly tried to think of things to talk about. Overall my focus on him had truly become unhealthy for me. He didn’t notice a damn thing (so ladies please learn from my honest mistakes!). Now that my focus is back on improving myself and not fixing a broken thing, I’m finding a lot of luck in accomplishing the things I need to. So career… while this part of the wheel was growing terribly rusty and chipping away, I have focused some energy and it is smoothing out.

3. Physical Environment: Needless to say, my ex and I shared a home. Wrapping my head around having to move out was difficult, but of course as with most things complications abounded upon me like white on rice. Now I wasn’t just seeking a home for me and my dog, but my younger brother and sister wanted to room with me (maybe I’ll go into that later). Finding an apartment that made all of us happy in an area I enjoyed was difficult, but it has been done! My new apartment makes me very happy. So we can mark this one as successful.

4. Personal & Spiritual Growth: Oh, leaning on God always opens my heart to receive the fruits of His blessings. I’ve been able to connect with love and positivity better than ever. And, with new found clarity, I can better see how He truly works. I had begun to take for granted many of the lessons that He taught us through the Word, choosing to make things more malleable than they really are. But through sheer fortune God has brought me someone who lives his life to achieve nothing short of excellence and seeing the way he follows God’s lessons has strengthened me. I’m a visual learner, the Lord must have known this…

5. Friends, Family, Community: This one is going tremendously well! Thanks to my family needing to live with me and my friends helping me so much through this transition, I am noticing where my community really lies. I see who I’m actually being surrounded by and it’s far better and stronger than I imagined. My relationship with my overall community is so positive. It has reminded me of the power of love and due to my ability to love others they have loved me back tenfold.

6. Significant other/romance: I will honestly and openly admit that this cog in the overall balance is where I have begun to place most of my attention. I want to build a balanced and happy family one day and having the right relationship with the right man is absolutely essential to this effort. Last March (one year ago) I worked a freelance project for a marriage website. I was required to read the book and do the marriage readiness assessments. Naturally I tried to do these assessments with my ex and they turned out horribly. He had no idea what he wanted. So the process of figuring out what I wanted in marriage had to be done without him. If that didn’t tell me what was to come, I don’t know what else could have. Anyway, I began to prepare myself for marriage. To envision my dream life, my dream partner, my dream family. Just two months after that happened an old friend came back into my life, and I must have subconsciously seen what he would be to me because I latched on to him and brought him into every facet of my life. Needless to say, he is mine now. And if this weren’t perfect enough, my ex also found his perfect soul mate! I would have felt terribly guilty about this if it weren’t fully mutual on both sides, so thanks be to God.

7. Health/Self care: In one month I dropped all the weight I wanted to! I’m back to what I weighed at my physical ideal! And since I’m so focused on making myself the best version of me I have ever been, I’d say yes this section is going well.

8. Social/fun: I’m actually having the time of my life right now. Once career and my new apartment are settled, I expect to get to do lots of fun stuff with the amazing community I am a part of and with my amazing significant other.

This piece would be terribly long if I outlined absolutely all of the blessings I have received, but I hope that giving everyone such a holistic look into my life allows those who have been there to see how truly grateful I am for everything.

The 25 Greatest Quotes About Love

And yet again my favorite is Dr. Seuss..

Thought Catalog

Love is real, real is love. John Lennon
Love is a friendship set to music. Joseph Campbell
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. Thich Nhat Hanh
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. James Baldwin
Love is now, is always. All that is missing is the coup de grâce — which is called passion. Clarice Lispector
when you love someone / you are scared of getting hurt / and you will get hurt Brandon Scott Gorrell
And now we’re apart and you’re just some stranger who knows all my secrets and all my family members and all my quirks and flaws and it doesn’t make sense. Gaby Dunn
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But…

View original post 1,282 more words

I think I just figured out taxes.

Okay, after writing that title I think I need to retract my statement, but I would like to present an idea I haven’t heard anywhere else.

Instead of automatically paying our taxes to the IRS for the federal government to distribute to states accordingly, what if the taxpayers could choose where their money went?

I mean, with modern technology this could be a very easy thing to do!

Each state builds a website that lists the budgets of all their agencies. Any agency who receives public funds (including private companies with government contracts) would list their budgets on this site. The homepage of the site could consolidate the information, for example:

$3 Billion ’til Fundraising goal!

Education needs $500 Million, Infrastructure needs $700 Million, Social Services needs $200 Million, Health Services needs $1 Billion….

etc.

This way the taxpayers are the ones who see estimated budgets and they can pay directly into what they want to pay for. Let the liberals spend all their money on Social Services, Education, and Healthcare, let the conservatives spend their money on small business grants, private contractors, military, etc.

When the taxpayers can spend their money on what they want to, government & taxes will get a lot more consumer friendly, cut down on costs, and there would be less tension.

Right now politicians are charged with creating the laws of the land AND taking our money and spending it amongst themselves. That is just way too much power & control. Let the agencies & departments come to the taxpayers for money. We’ll quickly see change.

And when it comes to how much money taxpayers will have to pay, I say at least 15% of their salaries. They can choose to give more… and when they see the new school in their community short on money I’m sure they would.

Maybe then the government agencies will stop looking at us like ATMs (I’m looking at you DMV/Traffic Dept), and they will start appreciating the money we pay into them as much as any other non-profit company. That’s how they *should* operate… right?