Last week I was asked if any songs are speaking into my life lately.
One thing about me: I really love music. Nothing can take me to a better place more instantly than a well composed song.
Throughout my life I’ve generally assigned certain songs to capsulate periods of time. Just one example of this: the second half of my freshman year of college I started seeing my life transform around me. It was a very deciding point in the type of person I would become. Would I continue my social butterfly ways and make new friends? Would I finally allow my inner loner to have her time and explore myself more? Would my workaholic side take over? All sides of me were vying for prominence and I gave up and played video games all day to avoid evolving. The song I clung to during this time was “Firefly” by Alpha. It sounded similar enough to all the other Portishead I was listening to, but the lyrics really hit me. I had nothing to hold me. Nothing to tell me what type of person I should be. So I imagined myself a lone wanderer as I walked this road to become my evolved self post-high school.
Lately I’ve been going through another evolution.
After college I instantly found my career track in marketing. The mix of logic, analysis, people pleasing, and creativity is perfect for me. I dove right in and have developed quite a body of work in just 2 short years.
But then I felt a yearning to start a video production company, to produce compelling content & storytelling, and I remembered the old me–who dreamed of being a journalist/traveling documentarian. The poet, the wanderer inside of me, who gets impassioned by the beauty I see all around me, who gets inspired whenever a nugget of pure reality rises to the top of my mind… This side of me was scratching and fighting to find a place in the professional career I am building.
Luckily, in my love life I have been receiving inspiration and passion enough to fill my reserves for a long time. I’m so bloated with pent up creativity that it flusters me until I can find a way to channel it.
Then I found myself craving a song I had come across a few months before, “In the Night Air” by Jamie Woon.
I listened to it over and over one night while driving on the highway and I realized why my brain was craving this song.
In the song the singer is iterating and expressing his love for the night air. A simple nugget of pure reality, twisted with the weakness of human desire.
The music and sounds in the song remind me of winter and I can imagine this poetic heart walking around at night in a coat, looking up to the heavens and breathing in the crisp air, exhaling a beautiful white breath.
This is a sensation that many creative night owls know and love. Something about the night, the silence of the sky, the feeling of the cold air flowing through us, makes us feel that much more alive.
And in this song he becomes obsessed with this sensation. It has become a feeling he cannot live without. It doesn’t replace who he is, who he loves, what he spends his time on, but it’s something that calls to him when he needs it.
And I realize, with my rigid 9-6 schedule I never get a chance to stay up at night wandering about and soaking in the taste of it all. I don’t have a chance to roam, a chance to observe the world around me, a chance to listen to powerful music and write poetry in the park under the moonlight.
This song reminded me of one of my loves, one that I’ve been neglecting and can see the degradation of my creativity without feeding it the freedom and slices of life it desires.
I only hope that through knowing this about myself, I can somehow find a way to blend it into my upcoming evolution.