When I was on the brink of graduating high school, I felt on top of the world. It seemed overcoming that 13 year hurdle had prepared me for everything that was to come. I stared at the face of my university and LoLd at its effortlessness. I thought: “Living on campus, with my first class at 10 a.m. and most of my days free to lounge around, what could be so hard about that?”
Looking back, that semester actually was my best. I got straight As, I actually read my course books, I had a decent balance between friends and boyfriend. I should have relished those days while they were still around. I thought life would be that way forever and I didn’t treasure what I had.
I slept most of the days away. Instead of actively improving my already great situation, I let it slip from my hands. Many of my friends from high school had gone up to UF (like Ashley pictured above). I felt uncomfortable and alone even in a dorm room with my best friend (who was already drifting away without me noticing) and two genuinely cool roommates.
2008 sucked. Nicole forgot about me, Daphne moved to Argentina, even Mario left. The tight group of confidants that held my hand through the summer before college had disbanded. My failure that year to think of anything besides my inner angst/woes caused me to fall into a serious abyss that wouldn’t let me out until much much much later. Even when I thought I was out, thought my co-worker boyfriend at Olive Garden and my new apartment in the Gables by my old church had guaranteed me out… I was dragged deeper.
Refusal to heed family advice and refusal to seek advice from my friends (once again!) caused me to spend even more time in that abyss.
I think back to those years (2008-2010) and the most notable difference in those years versus the now is that I had no “friends”. Well, I did. NUMEROUS ones. But I didn’t consider them such. I would never have called them to hang out just to talk. They were just for fun, not allowed to see anything under my surface.
It wasn’t until Summer 2010 that I let someone in. I actually sat down with someone and talked about something other than school and inconsequential facts about myself that spew like word vomit.
It was absolutely through his friendship that I found the strength to release myself from the cell in which I had locked myself. While talking to him I coughed out the key. And one night partying with him, his friend, and Jade Lleonart (<3 you girl!) started the chain of events that got me where I am today.
With what little hindsight I have, I can safely declare my present better than my past. I only hope that the better parts of my past will come back again.